102 Birthday progress photo

101 ish...

101.6 today- I´m very happy!

It was my birthday on Saturday and I ate and drank A LOT on the weekend - prosecco, cocktails, tapas, cake, chocolate, biscuits etc.

So, it was really really hard to pull myself up Monday and Tuesday and be restrained again. It seems like I have a furnace inside me (for hunger) that got turned up to HIGH and then I had to struggle to get it down to low again.

I was lying in bed last night feeling hungry - wanting to get up and eat something, but reminding myself to "enjoy" (?) the feeling of hunger, knowing that if I resisted food and let my body burn fat that I would be lighter today- and I was.

I just can´t wait until I hit under 100 - it doesn´t feel that long away- 2 weeks?

Success

I have lost another kilo! Not sure how I did it, but I´ll take it regardless :)

Can I be 102 for my birthday on the 31st? Will do my best.

Progress Photos!

5 months ago 113 kilos

Today- 104 kilos....

Going very slowly, but at least I can see the difference in the photos :)- it is small, but it is there.

Going Down

A long time since I´ve posted here, however I wanted to come and update my ticker! This morning I weighed in at 105.2. Slowly, slowly the numbers are going down and I´m very happy that I´ve managed to keep it this way and haven´t lost my way.

Bubs is now 6 months old! I have lost 10 kilos more or less....which kind of makes me sad as I wish it was more now, however the reality of it is that I feel the last few months of slow weight loss have meant some permanent changes for me- I no longer eat so much at night, drink more than a glass at a time and think about the consquences of what I am putting into my mouth.

I am also getting slowly back into running. Ran 3.2 kms the other day with a friend and didn´t stop once.

I want to take another front and back progress photo for 10 kilos- hopefully will get daughter to take photo for me later today.

Another kilo down

I seem to be on a roll, good news for me as I have twice weighed in at 107.9 this week.

There is a great article here- Eat Early To Stay Slim. This is exactly what I have been doing for some time and it is working! I have got used to the feeling of hunger and even learned to welcome it as a sign that fat is being burnt.

I have been under extreme stress this week though and eating less (mostly) because of it. Our landlords are trying to evict us (which is not easy in Germany) as they want to live in our apartment- it will probably end up in court, because we have three children our needs take precedence over a 41 year old couple luckily (and they live in the same suburb in a similar size flat).

The coming week I will be staying an at all inclusive family hotel- I am very nervous about how I am going to manage to not eat after seven pm and not overeat in general. I am packing my scales sad to say!

I think its time for another progress photo soon, I have lost 7 kilos so far.

Hello Again

Its been a long time since I´ve blogged- my sister came to visit from overseas for two months and my normal life went haywire.

Though happily, I was able to move the ticker down, not up today! I will take even a little bit of weight loss :), its better than nothing. It was actually a real thrill to see 108.9 on the scales this morning- I feel like I have left 110 behind hopefully forever.

What I have been doing this week to get good results is not eating after 7pm- at all- just water. I have been trying to train myself to feel hungry- and to enjoy feeling a little bit hungry at night, with the idea that my body is burning fat :).

I am not used to feeling hungry- my instinct is to fill myself up, I feel emotionally uncomfortable to have an empty stomach. It´s strange.

So, I plan to continue this indefinitely- I don´t have so much of a social life at the moment that this plan will interfere with anything.

5 kilos down!

I skipped last week´s weigh in as it was a really bad week (four days of unrestrained eating), however today was a good result with a loss of 1.4 kilos (in the last two weeks). 110 kilos YAY!! and 242 pounds. I am making progress, no matter how slowly and am SO SO looking forward to seeing 109 next time.

So far I have lost 5 kilos or 11 pounds - breastfeeding combined with trying to restrict my eating in a gentle way. I have to say "no" to myself 90% of the time and that seems to be working.

Stress did cause me to overeat two weeks ago. I have to learn how to take the stress and turn it on it´s head so I don´t run to the fridge all the time or make bad choices in the supermarket.

I am still doing the diet shakes- replacing one to two meals a day (and skipping some days altogether) and the rest of the time TRYING really hard to make good food choices in spite of other things in my life I can´t control.

I might take a progress photo next week and see if I can tell any difference so far! I think my face is thinner in any case :)

Stumbling on Snacks

Due to an unplanned (of course) carb blowout at a friend´s house on Tuesday, I ended up with a slightly disappointing loss of 600 grams this week. My friend had bought these delicious broken pretzel pieces with different flavours... I shudder to think how many I ate. Truly awful.

"I can resist anything except temptation"

Still, I know that it´s baby steps all the way. I can see 11o in sight now and will see if I can get there for next week´s weigh-in anyway.

The shakes are still working well for me, as well as cutting right back on biscuits and any type of junk food. In fact, its time for me to have a shake right now...breakfast calls.

Weigh In Wednesday

Another good weigh in this morning taking my weight to a round 112 kilos. Slow and steady.

I know I can do better though - there are still so many areas I can improve on. If I look at the bright side of that statement it´s that I have something I can change every week.

• I still need to drink more water
• I am trying to body brush everyday - it really improves the look of the cellulite on my legs!
• No more biscuits!!! (this weekend was a shocker!)

I am going to keep going with the shakes today, yesterday went really well and I added in berries as well.

I was just thinking I should actually do my measurements - trouble is that I don´t have a tape measure - on the asap "to do" list. It would be nice to have that as a measure of my progress as well.

Meal Replacements

I started off the weight loss week last Wednesday eating lots of raw and vegan food and while I am enjoying that, I decided to switch for the next three or four days to high protein shakes. I am so so snowed under with mothering duties, housework and life that preparing food is just an extra stress.

Its not just the preparing either, but planning and shopping too. Baby is taking up every spare second I have and nothing is getting done. I am spending most of the day sitting on my backside feeding him at present- or with him sleeping on me, where he is happiest.

So I bought a vanilla high protein shake mix yesterday and am having it with skim milk (1.5%) and ice cubes which mix up really well in my super duper blender.

I am planning to have 4 a day or 5 if I need it until I get sick of it and then go back to "real" food.

I am going to enjoy the break from cooking for myself and not thinking about food.

I don´t know if anyone else can relate to this....?

Weigh In Wednesday

112.9 this morning! I am over the moon- and I know its partly because I had a really good eating day yesterday (I ate nothing but sushi and fruit).

The sushi and fruit diet has worked for me really well before. I lost my second lot of baby weight while living in Brisbane - near Chermside shopping centre. Often my exercise in the humid weather would be to drive up there with my baby- walk around a lot and do shopping- eat sushi rolls for lunch and take some home for dinner.

Even though white rice seems to be considered a bad food, it really worked for me. Luckily there were sushi rolls places all over the place in Brisbane. I´m not so lucky in Germany now- it is not readily available and a lot more expensive- if I want it I have to plan and budget for it.

However, I will try and do just that, if it helps get me back into my weight loss groove that I found so well before.

I Couldn´t Feel Worse!

I just had my daughter take these photos of me- so they´re not the best before photos in the world, but will do - after all they are the photos that I am never ever going to want anyone to see. Seriously, ok, I am putting them on the internet here, but they won´t be going in family albums.


My son is 4 weeks old today and my present is seeing these absolutely vile photos of myself. I really didn´t think I looked so fat. Somehow the person I see in the mirror when I am getting ready to leave the house is a lot thinner. Even my face is fat.

I am really disgusted in myself. Meh.

Inspiration Photo

This was me exactly three years ago. I´m not even sure why I took this photo, however I am glad I did as now it´s my inspiration!

Three years ago I had lost the baby weight (I was 130 kilos just before my second caesarean) from my second child who was just about to turn 2, we had just moved to Germany, and I was spending the days at the pool with my kids getting a bit of colour.

Was I happy with myself? I was about 78 kilos and I wanted to get to 70, so I guess I wasn´t.

I look at that photo now and while I would love to be there again- WANT to be there again, I also see less than slim thighs that barely squeezed into the size 12 (Australian) Country Road pants I had just bought. I also know that I cropped the photo because I hate my knees and they were still "fat".

The next step is to take a "before" photo and post it too. I will try and get to that this weekend.

Is anyone else brave enough to join me? :)

1 kilo down

I forgot to post yesterday on my weigh in day but am very happy to be one kilo down. Even after some stress over eating and even with the fact that I can´t do much physically...though I can feel that changing as I get stronger.

Reasons I overate:

1. I had an eye infection followed by baby getting one too. The meant I overate to compensate for feeling miserable and also because of a constantly crying baby for 24 hours until I came to my senses and took him to the doctor (he´s better now).

2. Not being prepared...I have three children to look after and suddenly my time has diminished more than I ever would have believed (crazy, huh?). So I don´t have time to sit down and eat a proper meal and I haven´t prepared healthy snacks for myself meaning that I am just eating any old thing. This week´s motto is "be prepared".

I have been drinking lots of water on the positive side which was an important aim of mine as well.

I feel positive overall. I am not going to give up!

More Effort Needed

So, far I am not doing very well...thank God Monday is a new week. I have somehow just not got into the eating less zone and as I am not exercising yet, I just don´t see the weight moving unless I eat significantly less.

A real challenge as I deal with the stress of adjusting to life with the new baby, who while gorgeous and lovable is also very labour intensive.

Two days till my first weigh-in. I need a result of at least one kilo!

My plan today is to eat "raw"- raw vegetables and fruit. Museli with almond milk and maybe a piece of fish later on. No empty carbs, no sweets.

A Good Idea to Weigh Everyday?

I was happy to see I had lost half a kilo this morning on the scales, however have decided to just update once a week - every Wednesday.

I tend to like to jump on the scales every morning- THOUGH- I know there are opposing ideas as to whether this is a good idea or not. For me, I have found in the past that it works- I need to keep a daily check on my weight or it quickly goes out of control - when I am in "piling the pounds back on" mode, I tend not to weigh myself at all -figures!

Sometimes though, if I get a bad morning weigh in, it can depress me and demotivate me - so I have to somehow balance this with being positive about the future no matter what the change might be from day to day.

I hope to lose quite a few kilos this week....however considering I still have a healing and slightly painful incision, it needs to be through decreasing food intake alone and drinking loads of water - we shall see.

My intention is to blog my weight everyday which may get a bit boring, however I really need to do this. This blog is for me and my health, unfortunately not so much my entertainment :(

Mini goal- to get to 110 kilos

Today´s the day!

Me with jaundiced baby one week ago :)

Two weeks and one day ago, I gave birth (by c-section) to a lovely 4.25 kilo baby boy who I absolutely adore - that´s the good news!

The bad news is I have spent since then eating armloads of bread and butter (esp in the hospital for 6 days- mostly out of boredom), pizza, chinese takeway, chocolate and icecream.

Today it stops!

I adjusted my ticker for today´s starting weight- 115 kilos (the day I went to the hospital I was 122.... I managed to eat my way out of a better initial weight loss). Today is the day I start my own "biggest loser" journey and regain my old self.

Its spring here in Germany and I am in dire need of being able to wear warm weather clothes asap. I have some size 16s in my wardrobe I need to be able to get into.... I don´t want to buy size 20s :(, I actually ordered a size 20 summer dress on the internet and sent it back straight away- it was hideous- or rather I was- I will stick to jeans and pregnancy/breastfeeding tops until I can manage my 16s.

Tomorrow is the day

Wow, its been a long time since I´ve posted, but tomorrow is the day I´m having my c section! The next week is going to be pretty dreadful in respect of recovery and pain and I am also a bundle of nerves at present....I really feel awful. I am nervous about the whole procedure and nervous about having a baby again.

We also have no name!! In Germany they don´t give you forever to decide either so there is a bit of pressure.

In any case, the good news (apart from the baby) is that I will be able to start immediately with losing weight. I am 123 this morning and really look forward to seeing what I weigh when I come home from the hospital and also after a few weeks of breastfeeding, walking and good diet.

I am Starting to Wonder...

...if I should have a eating plan prepared for when I get out of hospital. Calorie counting? Vegetarian Low-Carb? Sugar-free, Gluten-free? Paleo Diet?

I have been watching both the Australian and US versions of The Biggest Loser online these past weeks and have been finding the shows very motivating - if unrealistic. Calorie counting seems an important part of their regimes. 

Means I would have to find my calorie counting book, pull out the scales and maybe start recording online once again- I used Diet Doctor once before, however I know there are lots of programs available now. 

I think I will need some framework to build on from the beginning, so I will give it some thought. I have done well on various plans in the past...for a time. This time I want it to be permanent.

17 Days To Go...

I am having my C-section on the 17th of April and currently I am 122 kilos. I´m not too upset with that, I am no where near the dreaded 130 I was so worried about. 

I am confident that I am going to get quickly back into the groove of weightloss and exercise once I recover.  Its going to be hard though...

34 weeks

Its a week and a half since I last posted and I am trying to stay focused. Last time I weighed myself I was 120 kilos. Not a total disaster, but I have to stay focused and stay on the healthy food.

Its about 5 weeks till the baby is born and then its D-Day. I know I have to be kind to myself however getting the weight off will be a real priority. I have done it before and know I can do it again. I know from experience that I can still continue to put on weight after the pregnancy is over! I will be sticking to a diet plan and exercising- lots of walks with the baby.

I have not heard anything negative re my medical tests, so I am happy about that as well!

5 weeks till I have a new baby AND a starting weight! That will be exciting!

OGTT appointment

I got through my OGTT appointment this morning and I guess if the results are not good I will hear from my doctor. Cross fingers that is not the case and I am healthy.

I arrived there just before nine this morning, had the first blood taken (finger-prick) and then had to drink a huge cup full of a sugar solution. Luckily it did not taste unpleasant. Then I had two more finger pricks of blood taken after one hour and after two hours. I ended up with three bandaids and three slightly sore fingers!

I fell asleep for about half an hour as well in the waiting room, a little embarrassing! I think it was the result of being very very tired not the glucose solution :)

Then as I was starving (hadn´t eaten since the night before), I bought a subway chicken ranch to eat when I got home. Ashamed to say I wolfed it down, but it tasted so good!

Weight steady

...at 119 this morning. I have to be happy with that.

I have the first of three medical appointments for this week tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow´s one is routine hopefully.

I will be glad when they are all over, I am not a fan of being examined. Particularly when I feel like the fattest pregnant women in Germany. The women here are very trim and only seem to grow their bump and then straight back into the skinny jeans. I have grown all over.

Its funny to...

...have a weight loss blog when I can´t actually lose any weight. I am at a bit of a loss of what to write about, however I want to get into the good habit of blogging every few days like I do on my other blog.

Since part of this blog is about my impending panic (somewhat) of being fat and forty, I found this article in the Sydney Morning Herald very interesting. I don´t really like either of these labels that can be put on women- Mutton or MILF. The fashion advice was pretty blah too- turning women into Stepford clones.

The heartening part of this article was the comments- correctly identifying the spirit of the piece as demeaning and sexist.

I would like to be "hot" either side of forty, however I don´t want these media labels- milf, mutton, cougar etc. I have my own style and directions and like most women won´t be pigeonholed.

Busy days...

Busy days with my kids home for a weeks holiday, so I seem to be on the move more than usual- that is good! Also trying very hard not to overeat while coping with the slight extra stress of having the kids at home. Its a little more chaotic and messy of course!

I made a huge pot of vegetable soup with lentils and barley for dinner tonight- and for tomorrow. I made enough for quite a few helpings, so my plan is to eat this tomorrow and again lots of fruit.

One of my slight worries at the moment is gestational diabetes.....I don´t have it as far as I know and didn´t with the last two pregnancies, however I have to go for a oral glucose tolerance test for it on Wednesday - recommended by my doctor due to my weight and also the fact that I have had two big babies before- 4.5 kilos and 5 kilos! However, I really hope to get a clean bill of health next week, I would feel dreadfully guilty if my obesity caused a problem for my baby :(.

Next week I also have two other appointments- a meeting with a midwife and also a special ultrasound as well to check on the baby´s size. Will blog more as they occur. However, due to these three appointments and having my blood pressure taken, blood sugar etc, I want to be extra healthy this weekend in case in makes any difference.

Pancake Tuesday

This is the remains of the pancakes (crepe style) I made with my kids. Oops, I ate too much and certainly this is a "white flour" good. It was a tiring day too and my choices were not good. Yet, for my children it was a memorable experience especially as Miss 7 helped with the cooking and ended up in charge of the frypan.

When I went shopping today I bought a lot of fruit, so will make a big effort tomorrow to drink lots of water and eat fruit.

I think I will weigh in every Monday just to keep a check on my weight, though of course it is not going to go down for a while yet.

This is just a short post, I am tired (entertaining, even when it is just one good friend, tires me out) and I have´t drunken enough water today. A few glasses, a hot bath and an early bed will do me the world of good.

Day One - Wake Up Call

An exciting day and this is the beginning of my honest and painful journey.

I am 38 years old, 20 weeks pregnant and weigh 119 kilos (262 pounds). I have put on 25 kilos (55 pounds)in this pregnancy (my third), onto a 175cm frame (5 foot 9) that was already too heavy.

I am tired, miserable and ashamed of myself. I have not been so obese my whole adult life- up and down and always struggling. I have had some periods of great fitness (running 20-30kms a week) and some periods of great sloth. The last two years have seen my weight steadily creep up (before pregnancy) from 80 kilos to 95 kilos.

I can easily see myself hitting 130 kilos (286 pounds) in the next 10 weeks due to overeating and it scares and embarrasses me so much. I can´t let that happen to myself. I know I am pregnant and I have a baby to look after inside me, however eating in a balanced and healthy way, there should be enough fat on my body for the next nine weeks.

So from today, I begin cutting down in a healthy way on my food intake. Of course, dieting when pregnant is not recommended, however I am at the point where I am so afraid and depressed, I have to take control.

I will most likely be having a C-section (my 3rd) in nine weeks and need to be in a better place by then.

So, my plan is:

Body - walking every day, for more than the usual saunter to the corner shop.

Food - cut out the "white stuff", sugar and excess fat.

Soul - look after the way I look, take pride in my appearance (lost), keep hair and makeup routine going, moisturize my body, shave my legs, get a pedicure.

I have to do this somewhat anonymously so I can be honest, however I am an English speaking expat living in Germany.

My aim is to go to hospital in nine weeks weighing 120 kilos and lose 10 kilos with the birth (I did before). 110 won´t be so bad to start with :))

Any comments or encouragment would be much appreciated!