A Good Day...

Its late for me ..... yawn.... but just wanted to report in a good day- did some exercise (ice skating and am going back next Saturday with my first very own pair of skates especially for my wide feet) and I ate well- including some very health giving juices!

I expect to still be over 100 in the morning- will see by how much!

I feel like I could be back on track- new mindset and determination.

Quote of the Day

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

~Victor Frankl

I am in Serious Danger of NOT Being Hot Before 40!

God, what a disaster the last few weeks have been. I guess the wisdom tooth starvation diet didn´t work in the end. I am back up just under 102 and feeling awful and very disappointed with myself.

I big change is needed as I really need to be at my best in 6 months exactly!! I can´t let this go on any longer.

Big things have to change- no more overeating and overindulging and I need a regular exercise program.

I bought a whizz-bang juicer today and am off for a walk soon to buy a load of vegetables and some fruit to juice this weekend- I need a "cleanse", I saw some photos of myself from last night that shocked and depressed me. Should I give up drinking alcohol? I end up looking about 50 and incredibly bloated. Yuck, yuck, yuck!

Or maybe I should just avoid photos? As I always think its not too bad until I see the photo...

After the walk and shopping, time for some exercise- my daughter said she will come with me- a good long walk maybe with a little jogging.

I am not going to stop posting- from now on I post everyday with successes and failures! I only have 6 months until I go to Australia (and 9 till I am 40) and that is where I am planning to get photos (of me at my best, lol) done.

99.9!!!

Thank you Wisdom Teeth....well, kind of....for getting me off the overeating bandwagon.

Today I am under 100 kilos or 220 pounds (my pounds ticker has been moved to the bottom of the page to save space). I am hoping to consolidate this loss over the next week- eating is still painful, so this is the perfect time to retrain my taste buds. I am making low fat, high protein smoothies with blueberries (plentiful and cheap at the moment) and drinking lots of liquid.

Lots of do today, so gotta go....

I hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

New Week!

I am starting this new week in a good way... my discomfort in opening my mouth has finally led to a decrease in eating and the ability to think twice about eating, in fact. A few times today I thought about eating something and thought, no, that´s going to hurt... It has taken a lot to overcome my urge to eat and eat- who would have thought that I would see the silver lining in this particular cloud?

I was 100.4 this morning- so close, yet so far....

Now that I am on the road to recovery I will be having a very active week- I have a lot to do around the house and many errands to run.

I really want to break the 100 barrier!

Saturday in Bed...

Am lying here in bed feeling somewhat dazed by my week of pain. It has really knocked me around to spend 5 days like that- very similar to having my c-sections however without the benefit of hospital care!

I visited my dentist yesterday morning and had my mouth cleaned out with hydrogen peroxide, some antibiotic gel inserted and am now on penicillin. The dentist said I had a "bad reaction to the cutting". It´s still sore and the codeine is only just keeping the pain at bay! I hope I am a lot better by Monday as husband then goes away for 4 days. Also had blood clots dislodging from the upper extraction this morning- nice! But I hopefully am not at risk of dry socket after 5 days.... excess blood clots perhaps!

The good news is I just weighed myself and was 101.1! I am sure I would have lost more weight this week had I not eaten to comfort myself (in a bad way), but I think I am over that now (as I realised it wasn´t working!)

I have faith I will be lighter by end of weekend too as plan to just sip liquids...eating hurts (oh yes, but I did manage to eat through the agony- I am a dedicated eater after all). If I get below 100, I will stay there- it may be the beginning of a "new leaf" for me this week.

As I am so grumpy, I am not visiting your blogs and leaving comments at the moment, however thanks for reading! X

Can Only Get Better Surely?

Didn´t get to weigh myself this morning properly and ate and drink first- so I am more or less the same. It´s just not possible for me to weigh myself/get dressed/shower or anything much these days with a usually grumpy baby and trying to get two other kids out the door.

In fact I´ve taken Mr 5 to kindergarten, shopped for food and still haven´t had a shower. I look awful- red beady eyes, sallow complexion, glasses on instead of contacts and one side of my face is deformed and swollen.

I had to shower sometime this morning though....! and meet a friend later- she has some pain meds for me! Sounds awful, but you can´t get anything in Germany- they don´t believe in it and even after my c-section they would only give me ibuprofen until I complained.

I think I´m going to be doing an awful lot of whining on this blog in the future- it´s not going to be inspirational.

The truth is I´m fat, I hate myself and every day I fail.

Not a good start to the year.

PAIN!!!

I didn´t end up posting this week so far as have been in severe pain due to wisdom teeth extraction on Monday... unfortunately it hasn´t stopped me from eating though! I found comfort the only way I know how when left with my pain and 24 hour care of an 8 month old (not to mention the other two when they come home from school).

I was 102.1 on Monday...

Today I have been up since 4am and downing all the pain medication I can find- I think baby woke me up and then the pain keep me awake. However the reading I have done on the internet shows that my pain/jaw stiffness is consistent with what I had done and I just have to be patient....

I was hoping to feel better this morning, so I will transfer that hope to tomorrow morning....

I´m Back!!!

Golly....it´s been a long time. I am shocked to see when I last posted :( and also know that that was the lowest I ever got- I am about 2 kilos heavier now. I never made it under 100.

However, I am starting again tomorrow with renewed focus. It´s time for a reboot- new attitude, new food and walking as exercise. I need to stop letting the frustrations in my life translate to food intake. I am tired of giving so much to other people and comforting myself only with food and lying in my bed playing on facebook. Nothing is being accomplished in my life and it´s not only food I am talking about.

I can be so much more. I went to a party Saturday night, couldn´t find anything to wear, ending up hiding under a big cardigan and feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself.

11 Jan tomorrow and I will be posting my weight everyday from now on. I have no current photo either as I have been hiding from the cameras since my birthday.

So, let´s go Monday. I want 31 January to roll around with 5 kilos gone!!! and be below 100 for the last time ever.

R xx