I haven´t blogged since before my birthday last year- when I turned 40! and was 87 kilos on the day and feeling happy about it :)

So, we skip to May 2011 and there was virtually no progress until the beginning of March. From November to March, my weight stayed between 90 and 88 kilos and because I was going out a lot eating and drinking, I think I was lucky not to gain more.

Two months ago, I started again in earnest and have dropped down to 82.0 kilos today!

I have been very motivated because I am attending a friend´s wedding 3 weeks from now and wearing a beautiful new dress and feeling confident have been forefront in my mind. And then there is another wedding in July, so I think I can keep the momentum going.

I would love to be under 80 for the wedding- so a kilo a week is still on my mind- no going out, no alcohol and temporarily no dairy products either.

Back from holidays, 1 week in, 87.8 k

I returned from 6 weeks holiday in Australia last week- welcome back me!

I thought I was going to go away and lose 5 kilos (hahahaha), really I did. In fact I managed to maintain over that time- all the family events, plane food, stress (yes, even on a family holiday), temptations, wine and christening cake...

So I came back to Germany exactly the same weight I left as and promptly getting back to my old eating patterns proceeded to lose 2 kilos. Which makes me think I was carrying a bit of bloat there, a bit of water.

And although I miss my family, I am for the sake of my weight loss, happier to be surrounded by less tempting food and my own routine. I binged a few times while away (on biscuits/cookies/cake/potato chips) and it only brought up feelings of self hatred and disillusionment. I was able to recover from these feelings and stay ENOUGH on the straight on narrow (ie a lot of leeway) that I didn´t come back 5 to 10 kilos heavier as I have done in the past.

I turn 40 in 6 weeks- no I won´t be at goal weight- but I´ll be close enough and at goal for Christmas and fitting back into some lovely winter coats I have.

90.1- still the elusive 89 waits...

I have been in Australia since Tuesday morning and even with all the jetlag and irregular eating I have been doing- irregular that is as in timing, not quality, I am back on track. My mother is doing a similar diet to me (and looking great!) so she has been very supportive in preparing me food.

So it was not too hard to undo the damage of the last week of stress- I am relaxed now, sticking to my eating plan and not craving things I shouldn´t.

All is well. And the sun is shining here even though its winter :)

Kind of lost the plot this week- I´m over 91 again

...struggling with moving stress and trying to make sense of life! We are one day into the two day move and then I have four full days before I fly to Australia. Four days to organise lots of paperwork, clothes, packing stuff, say goodbye to friends, buy presents for teachers, clean the apartment, tie up loose ends etc etc!

I did regain control today, which makes me proud- at least I know that I can get back on the wagon when I fall off.

Stay tuned for me getting below 9-0 kilos soon! X

90.6 kilos Photos....

I am not fishing for comments, but as discussed in my previous post, I look at these photos and think ergh. 16 kilos (or more) of flab to go.

Time for new progress photos

I will get my daughter to take some photos later today :), its definitely time since the last ones which were 7 kilos ago.

It´s funny and I don´t know if anyone else feels this way but when I look at myself in the mirror or catch my reflection in a window, I actually think I look ok (!, hey babe!) and then when I see photos of myself I feel that I look so ugly, so fat. Somehow the photos seem to capture my worst fat- millisecond... I am going out tomorrow night with friends and there will be lots of snap happy people there who want to put photos on facebook and I am going to do my best to avoid the cameras, just to avoid shattering any illusion I may have of myself "looking good". There is one guy in particular who has an SLR camera and likes taking close up shots of people and I am going to just have to tell him no!!

Is it wrong that I want to retain the image in my head of myself and not be confronted by a photo of the reality?

199 pounds!

That´s a nice milestone that I reached this week - and so close to being under 90 kilos- for me, this is going to be important in my mind- I think I will feel less "fat"- crazy though as I already know that I am less fat from the way my clothes fit. I am wearing a lot of summer clothes that I haven´t worn for three years- the clothes I wore in 2008 when I was putting on weight (a lot of it), not the clothes from 2006/07 when my weight was in the 70 kilos range- but I still have all those clothes :)

I don´t believe in getting rid of small clothes - I couldn´t afford to! I am donating the fat clothes now to charity- all the maternity wear is gone as well... but as money is tight, I am very glad to have a range of sizes now to choose from as I go down... It´s great discovering old favourites again and things I forgot I had- I love shopping my wardrobe!

I will be interested to see if my foot size changes at all after another 16 kilos- or maybe still same size, but just less puffy.

91.1 today- I love watching the numbers topple.

Stress, combined with lots of errands to run and a heat wave here in Munich (over 30 everyday) is melting the weight-- fat? off me. Somedays I feel like the incredible shrinking woman, though I am still eating- I have three children to look after after all.

I just can´t eat very much and seemingly after months of being low carb, I automatically eat right and don´t crave sugar. My focus at the moment is on the things I have to do, not what I am going to eat next. It´s not a bad place to be in really...

In 3 weeks time I will be in Australia on holiday and finally able to relax. Until then, I am going to do right by myself- eating right, sleeping and very little alcohol.

91.9 this morning

So close to being under 90- I can almost taste it! Also very very close to the under 200 pounds barrier.

I am very busy with moving house at the moment so that is accounting for a lot more movement and less food eaten- my to-do list is long enough to ensure that I don´t sit still for a minute...!

I am hoping for a fantastic last three weeks of July which will see me under 90 for my trip overseas on the 1st of August. I have already ordered fruit and vegetable platters for the plane trip on Emirates so I don´t get bloated on over salted food during the trip!

92.8 Summer in the City...

I am down again after heroic efforts eating and moving well - yes, its heroic!, it is always going to be a struggle for me.

However, I have realised more than ever that I need to be a good role model to my kids by maintaining a healthy weight. my eight year daughter was starting to get very plump recently- she is a tall girl anyway (the tallest in her class) and she didn´t need to look like a 12 year old who was going to develop any moment :(. It happened gradually over the last 8 months- too much TV and too many treats.

Menstruation can be bought on early by increased weight apparently as well. Additionally I feel guilty for being overweight during pregnancy (all 3 of them) because now I read it can cause obesity in the child/adult and also infertility- all from being obese during the baby´s growth :(

So, I am working with my daughter towards healthier eating - and more exercise. I have told her I don´t want her to get teased. Maybe I am doing the wrong thing, but I didn´t feel I could just leave it to chance - Mummy needs to be a good role model.

July 1st 93.6

Weight holding steady more or less- but I want loss!!

I leave for holidays on August 1st - I want to be well under 90 by then- need to really kick up the physical movement and also the commitment to good food and drink. I actually think that I need to stop drinking (gasp!) - I go out once a week only with my friends, however it seems to set me back days each time- a few drinks, late night eating and all in all its just not good for me.

I have a commitment on July 24th as of now (engagement party) and also maybe one this Saturday (long time no seen friend). Otherwise its really stay home and be extra good for me.

We are moving as well- I need to have the whole house packed up by July 31st- crazy hey? 3o days to go!

The Stress Diet 93.2k

It´s funny- low grade stress causes me to overeat, comfort eating constantly- this is the kind of stress caused by rowdy kids, a messy house, frustration with life and tiredness.

High grade stress, however, makes me not eat and gives me an upset tummy- easy weight loss... however the causes are of course not nice! Concern about my family´s future, needing to move house soon and worrying about my husband´s job has turned everything upside down for me this week and made me quite ill- but with a kilo off on the scales when I was stalled, can I say that I see the silver lining?

I have just over 5 weeks to go before I take the children to Australia for a holiday (summer here, but winter down under unfortunately) for 5 weeks (school begins again the third week of September). We will be packing up our three bedroom, crammed to the gills apartment in the last week of July and putting it into storage. I know from experience that I don´t eat when this is all happening. But I still have to stay healthy, being on the verge of collapse is not good for my 3 children and I need to get us all to Australia in one piece to reconnect with family.

5 kilos- 5 weeks! I hope. I´m not happy with the way I look.

Finally another post from me...

And in the last month! I have only lost .4 of a kilo- not quite a pound. I´m sad about that however I know that I am still on my journey and that is the important thing.

I spent three weeks of the last month at my mother-in-laws house- explains everything. It was not possible for me to lose there (though I maintained, hallelujah!)- I did not have full control over my food nor especially the times we ate- often sitting down to dinner in the garden (long sunshine hours) at 9pm- not good from someone like me who often tries not to eat after 7pm. I was offered wine at every lunch and dinner as well (this was France after all) and there was always a heaving cheese board on the table. Too much food around all in all.

However, I have been "back" 5 days now and lost that .4 of a kilo- so I´m back, baby!

Jeans falling off my body!

I have been through three sizes of jeans since I started this diet- and my newish Boden jeans are needing a belt to stay fixed around my waist- they are kind of bagging at the crotch after a few hours of wear and slipping right down- not off!- not there yet, but I am happy to think of ordering new ones in a few weeks- I don´t care about the money if it´s for smaller jeans!

Still, a belt is working for now- pity that 3 pairs of jeans in my current size (I live in them) are about to bite the dust, however it´s all in a good cause!

Nearly half weigh...

I recently adjusted my goal down by 3 kilos- though according to BMI / healthy weight type charts I will still be slightly overweight :(. I have a "medium frame" - my finger and thumb can just touch around my wrist and am 175cms or 5´9".

The last time I was my goal weight was four years ago and yes, truthfully I was trying to lose more weight and yes, I think I needed to to be thin enough for the clothes I want to be able to wear- HOWEVER, whether that is actually feasible for me remains to be seen- ie, the work needed to stay like that.

I am nearly half way in any case and once I get "there" or closer, I can see if I want to adjust the goal down again. I am just truly sick of being the "big girl" in my family and not large-boned as it seems after all...

Edit: 74 kilos seems to be the magic number to be not "overweight", so I took the goal down one more kilo to that :)

May.... and Goals

May and I´m 96 kilos and five weeks into my low-carb adventure.

Its getting easier- of course, a little tedious at times, however I am making an effort to seek out new recipes and ideas so I don´t get bored. Snacking is hard... I get tired, distracted or upset and I want sugar- sweets, salted chocolate or bread and butter. Now I am having a Babybel or a couple slices of ham!

Its approx 13 weeks until summer holidays and my trip to Australia- I AM going to be about 83 kilos by then! A most respectable weight and if I continue with low carb, I don´t see any reason why I should put on weight during my holiday, nor continue on to be goal (75? 70?) by October 31.

Less than three weeks until I see my mother in law as well... who though overweight herself, is critical of me- hoping to be 93 at the beginning of that visit.

Maintaining...

It´s been pretty much a non-event in the weightloss world here since I last posted- I HAVE managed to MAINTAIN my weight though, so something is ok. However I haven´t lost any more weight Atkins style due to the fact that I got sloppy and started eating too many nuts- was my only form of emotional eating. Oh, and I almost forgot, I had a big night out on the tiles.... but still I have maintained and the last two days have been perfect and have set myself up to lose again.

Though...tomorrow morning I am off on a three day solo trip to Amsterdam to rendezvous with some friends- its danger danger all way round- alcohol WILL be consumed- but I will try and choose the least damaging types and no sugary cocktails. All I need to do is keep control of the eating situation- stick to protein, protein, protein.

Thanks for the shout-out last time Mic! :)

Progress Photos - 97 kilos (213 pounds)

97 kilos

104 kilos

113 kilos

Had to cut my face off this one(my son took this for me when I was just out of the shower and its unviewable!)- but a more or less current head shot from a night out is here for good measure- more cheekbones showing?

I looked at these photos from today and my heart sank, however when I compare myself to the past progress photos, I know that things are getting better.... I just have to be patient and continue along the same path I am on.

Just over 6 months until I turn 40!

This time I think I can do it!

I am getting used to being under 100 kilos- not complacent about it- never again- but relaxed! 100 plus is gone forever.

I am on Day 11 of the "New Atkins" induction plan. It has been an easy ride so far- however yesterday was a terrible day where I struggled with emotional eating all day and binge ate more nuts than I should have. Some things in my life are less than optimal, strife with people mainly and I truly felt that the only thing to have made it better would have been a packet of biscuits! No, I didn´t "break" but the nuts took a dive for me...

However I did recover today and I have been strong, have had well balanced low-carb meals and its 8.30 at night now and I feel good about going to bed now without needing to eat anything else- just drink lots of water and wake up feeling a lot thinner.

Almost time for another progress photo!

Back from holidays!

I am just back from 11 days in Tunisia and very glad to report that my weight has gone down- I did low carb for the last 5 days (and am continuing now at home) and it seemed to do the trick.

I feel more than ever on my way back to where I need to be.